Worst restaurant names of all time

SF critic Michael Bauer’s 30th job anniversary reminiscence reminded me of perhaps the worst restaurant name ever: Oritalia. It was a portmanteau of oriental and Italian, but, well.

Another horrible one: Conduit. It was, incredibly, an honest description of the primary design element, but still.

Other candidates?


The double entendre of Squat & Gobble is deliberate, but still.

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After your bad sushi, how about some old clams?


There used to be a wine bar, in Redlands, CA, called The Dregs. I have no idea why the owner chose that name.

There’s also a Vietnamese place near me called Pho King Way, but that’s another thing entirely.


Off the top of my head…

  • Here’s Looking at You

  • Stoic & Genuine

  • Solidarity

  • Luv2Eat (so bad it’s good)


I’d check out The Dregs. Sounds like a dive wine bar.

There was a delivery place in Berkeley called Pho Me Now.

We have a Pho King near us. And 2 Die 4 Sushi. Not a place I want to try based on the name alone.

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Omg, I’ve been wondering why no one mentioned those ridiculous names in their glowing reviews of Luv2Eat and Here’s Looking at You. It makes me cringe just to write that, I can’t ever imagine suggesting to someone, “Hey, want to check out Here’s Looking… ummm, never mind.”


Luv2Eat is a goofy name but they’re not native English speakers so to me that’s part of its charm, like Oakland’s Taqueria El Paisa@.com.


Phuc Yu Tu

Wrench & Rodent

Crabby Dick’s

Fu King


Myung Dong

Young Dong

Yung Ho


For many years there was a place in San Francisco called Fuku-Sushi, though that’s still better than BAD Sushi.

They’re gettin’ right to the point here.


Talk about a double-entendre

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My son’s roommate told me the other day he was in search of a triple-entendre. I asked him to text me when he finds one…

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The Squat and Gobble (I and II) in SF were, last I was there, perfectly good breakfasty cafe type places. Granted, last I was there was probably 15 years ago, and I’m sure the clientele hasn’t improved.

There’s a place in Chicago in Ukranian Villiage called Takee Outee, which serves standard drunk/stoned 3am chinese food, heavy on the grease and msg and mystery asian disguise sauce. A little googling shows that the name, or variations on it, are pretty common.

I’m surprised that the name has survived. Certainly no one would name a new place like that, anymore than you’d find a “No tickee no washee” laundry service.

Then there’s names that are just flat out WRONG, specifically

the Nice Vice Creamery in Vancouver, which proclaims itself 100% dairy free, and always makes me die a little inside when I walk past it.

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Hilarious. Good ones.

Probably a translation thing, but I saw a photo some years back of a “Restaurant Zur Puke”.

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