L.A. Times Fast Food French Fry Rankings

authoritative, totally not subjective, incontrovertibly definitive and 100% correct

He definitely got In-N-Out right: worst taste, second-worst texture.

Before you tell me there’s a way to “hack” these fries, or somehow make them better, either by loading them with American cheese and secret sauce, or by ordering them well-done, I will grant this: It certainly doesn’t make the fries any worse. Just as dumping the fries into a dirt pile on the shoulder of a highway access road and running over that pile with my car would also probably not make the fries any worse.