In no way did I think this was a put down. Thought it was funny. Sorry didn’t mean to insinuate that you were trying to insult the handle.
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Wait is that true? Holy cow. I think we just read what we want to see.
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I beg to differ: it is definitely not just @paranoidgarliclover who is cognizant of the rising levels of snark, dismissiveness, and hostility in some of these exchanges.
See:
And:
Based on the original post, this is not in reaction to “one isolated comment”: this problem has been noted elsewhere and is a valid concern.
I value and appreciate the diverse voices here. But the rudeness/hostility/aggression is alienating and leading people to disengage - that’s not a community I want to be part of.
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The site will move on . Devastated but survived after Kevin left . Remember ?
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I understand your point, @ElsieDee. However, there’s been a history of certain folks who come on to this board with the intention of starting beef via their attitude, their need to be right or revered, etc…while it’s easy to say ignore the crazy, over time, resentment builds and sometimes there are blowouts as a result.
It’s the trouble of keyboard anonymity. It’s easier for people to hide behind the internet veil and be their worst selves. Not helpful, but it’s not like we have a built in mechanism to control actions.
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I don’t even understand this thread; this is a forum about food restaurants in the greater LA / OC area, so why is there a topic here that is about neither restaurants nor food?
Also, am I totally missing something here, or is this a thread created expressly to bitch about a poster or group of posters who apparently displeased the OP elsewhere on the board in a recent incident (incidents?) that I and apparently many others in this thread missed? Frankly, THAT seems quite clique-y, hostile and a bit passive-aggressive to me.
If anyone has an issue with someone, bring it up directly and/or involve the moderation. But this feels like a gang-up thread dressed-up in a veneer of concern for the future of the board. A couple posts here make it seem like there is a group who knows exactly what specifically happened to prompt this thread…
The site will definitely continue with or without any individual poster. If anyone decides it’s in their best interest to leave, then by all means leave! If anyone decides to stay, great!
…but can we please get back to talking about food?
I’m totally lost here. I’ve been here almost since the beginning, and I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, nor do I know how any of us can determine the intentions of anyone else?
Why is this resentment building? If you truly believe someone is trolling, then why engage? If someone is posting here to stroke their own ego (attention, be revered, need to be right, etc.), and you’ve identified this, then why get bothered by it? Surely it says more about that person’s personal emptiness if they have such low self-actualization they have to come here solely for validation and reverence from anonymous internet strangers?
Like why resent it?
ETA: https://i1.wp.com/www.learning-mind.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/86400.jpg?resize=850%2C691&ssl=1
I’m willing to say that what OP is saying or feeling is not wrong. I’m willing to say I might understand where they or anyone’s concerns may be coming from. I’ve been reading and learning from a lot of folks on this board, and I’ve come to respect more than a few. Yes, this is a food board, but that doesn’t empathy can’t exist here.
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As others have noted (and I completely missed), this thread is on the LA Board; perhaps @ipsedixit can move it when they have time.
Regarding the clique “feeling”: I do not know what specifically @paranoidgarliclover was referring to in the OP.
To me, though, there is a definite atmosphere of in-jokes (Sergio, The Stinking Rose) (of which I know I have participated) which I imagine could be off-putting to a newcomer.
I am not personally offended by the expensive meals, nor the inexpensive ones: this is a community built around food so it stands to reason there will be a range of styles and choices.
Likewise, I have not noticed any pressure for people to dine in a certain manner (this may happen; I’m not attentive to such, I don’t think).
ETA: Actually, I have read some exchanges where members have been dismissive or belittling of other’s choices, specifically regarding whether one will patronize/not patronize an establishment based on personal convictions about the owner(s) politics, beliefs, and/or behavior.
@attran99 nailed my feelings here:
We are capable of having respectful, empathetic exchanges - from which we can all learn and share our knowledge and experience, and truly debate, too - but that requires us to listen to, and really hear, one another.
That Chowhound phrase (which I am paraphrasing) was a good guideline:
Hate the Chow, Not the Hound.
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1… Let’s just stop throwing this around so lightly… it’s partly why people have such high expectations of a website. It’s not a community, at all. It’s a food related message board. Unless you meet regularly and then communicate online it’s not a community. That word is powerful, it is reserved for places where people know each other IRL and meet periodically, which forces them to speak online much closer to how they would in person, since they know they’ll meet again. Here there’s still anonymity here.
2… Jokes, trash talk, light ribbing may be off putting to some but it’s part of how not only the internet works but how many people who get some sort of a familiarity with each other talk. Especially men. And you know what? It’s not fun without it. This place isn’t just to find a restaurant but also provides escapes during boring work days. Try as you might, you won’t get rid of jokes. And i’ll say that this place is waaaaaaay nicer and less full-contact than most of the internet. Nobody wants the vibes in here to be NextDoor fake levels
3… If we indeed have an issue with people in charge occasionally communicating in an off-putting manner, while they’re people and should also be allowed some leeway, we can definitely expect user attrition.
People are all different, we’re supposed to expect to butt heads a bit and try and be nice. But also know that if i make fun of you using an InstaPot or whatever it’s not out of mean intentions, just light ribbing, and I expect the same.
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I’ve read/heard that the subconscious doesn’t understand sarcasm. And when written rather than spoken it’s probably even tougher. Perhaps one should reserve their sarcasm for people with whom they have even a non-IRL relationship. There are those of you who communicate regularly and those who don’t. Should be a relatively easy distinction.
Also regarding “community,” I will differ wildly from you.
com·mu·ni·ty
/kəˈmyo͞onədē/
noun
a group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common.
“the scientific community”
synonyms: group, section, body, company, set, circle, clique, coterie, ring, band, faction; More
a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interests, and goals.
“the sense of community that organized religion can provide”
It might be better if you mentioned that these are only your thoughts/ideas/opinions and that others are equally valid.
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Aka the Toto Urinal Club
Oh
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That’s the problem when people want to go by formal definitions and not what actually happens in behaviors. You expect people to act they want they won’t if it was a community. A community is closer than this, also in a community trash talk is even stronger. This is strangers talking about a common topic of interest, food.
There’s a sense of community here. But that is all - a sense.
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what kind of church lady would possibly find that offensive by the way?
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Again, I’ll disagree. One example was the “scientific community.”
@ElsieDee, this thread may strike a chord with you:
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i disagree more
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But I give reasons.
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I gave mine at length. You using a literal definition, I’m commenting on how the internet actually works. If there are safe spaces on the internet, I don’t see them. I don’t want them. I actually like the level of ‘niceness’ on this page. And we’ll see what adjustment is made now that there’s a bit of a correction.
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This. This every day.
How on earth would either of those be off-putting in the least?
Agreed. This isn’t, nor should it be, like Sunday School.
THIS. I don’t know you from Adam, so if you want to make fun of my jar of kefir firmenting on the kitchen counter or whatever, I’m just going to dish it right back at you. It’s banter. I’m not so insecure that I need validation from internet strangers, and if you want to go off about my kefir, well, you don’t know me so why should I care what you think? You don’t like it? Cool, more for me.
Who cares. If you want to eat at Chick-fil-A and you don’t care that some of your money will go to funding anti-LGBTQ organizations and politicians, then go for it. But I’m totally judging you* for knowingly valuing your slightly-above-mediocre (IMO) fried chicken sandwich above the equal civil rights of roughly 10% of the population.
(*I’m using “you” casually here. I don’t remember or really even care if this example applies to you specifically, bc while I will judge in the moment in a thread, once we move on and get back to other food I probably won’t remember because it just isn’t that deep.)
Do I care about vegans judging me for eating or using animal products? Nope.
There are still some people who judge Volkswagen drivers because of the company’s Nazi roots.
You can’t please everyone all of the time, nor should you. Whatever you do, as long as it isn’t with obvious malicious intentions, just fucking own it and carry on.
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but i love that you’re making kefir! just please stress the second syllable. kefeeeer
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